"The sink is really full."

The sink is really full.
-Roommate, who we'll call Jim.

Not really a question, but it's an implied one: "Will you do the dishes?" To which I reply with a cheery "Fuck You!" This guy has not done the dishes once in three months. Nor has he mowed the lawn, swept the floor, cleaned the kitchen, or picked up the living room.

Now, I'm ok with messy housemates, since we can all be a bit messy at times. I'm ok with neat freak housemates, since being clean is good. What I'm not ok with is messy neat freaks who can't stand the mess, but can't be bothered to do an ounce of work to improve the situation. Seriously, we have an informal game going on to see how long before he breaks down and cleans anything, anything at all. The man does less work than a fully entropic system.

What's worse than Jim's lazy OCD, though, is his passive-aggressive way of dealing with it. Rather than ask someone to do the dishes like a sane person might, this miserable excuse for mammal prefers to make endless whiny complaints, to wit:

1. The sink is really full, I can hardly fit any more dishes in there.
2. The garbage really smells.
3. There's no light in the bathroom - I think the bulb is burnt out.

It's to the point where I simply acknowledge his statement and ignore it:

Jim:The floor out here is really messy.
Vhim:It sure is.
Jim:It looks like it hasn't been cleaned in months.
Vhim:That is probably the case.
Jim:It really needs vacuuming.
Vhim:I couldn't agree more
Jim:...

The fact that he can't program to save his life (he's a Comp Sci major), the fact that he can't tie his shoes without parental approval (he's in his junior year in college), the fact that he regularly gets out-drunk by another housemate (Thelma, 109 lbs) - these things, while worthy of mockery, pale in comparison with how vexing his handling of uncleanliness is. If he weren't paying his rent, I have long ago shot him.

So help me, though - if he ever leaves a sticky note, I'll put the "Violent" in "Non-violent confrontation."


Epilogue
My roommate, Little Timmy, has interesting tastes in women (story for another time). He has suggested tying his current girlfriend up to Jim's bed for him to walk in on. I'm all for this plan, if only to see little chunks of Jim's whiney, whitebread head ricocheting down the hall.